Diagnosis is my coping mechanism (but still, I'm not wrong).

Coping with anger is a funny thing. Actually, forget that, I've noticed that people partially define themselves by how they cope with strong emotions. We even get judge-y of how others cope with anger, fear, sadness, humiliation, guilt, etc. (ex:"can you believe she flipped out in front of all of those people?").

I'm an over-thinker. When something makes me angry or upset I ruminate. Things stick with me until I find some answer that my brain is happy with resting on. It's almost as if I have an open case-file for every bad thing that has ever happened to me. I need to find the culprit, diagnose it, pull it apart, and analyse the complexity until it becomes sterile. When my findings become clear and valid, like every other scientist, my conclusions become part of me. They change my work, and how I think about my path. The availability heuristic takes over, and for a while the solution manifests itself in many seemingly disparate situations. 'This is the answer of the moment.'

Recently I had to deal with a very upsetting man-boy. I had to deal with him in a semi-professional setting, so I couldn't really speak freely. I feel much better today, because, I've analyzed all of the clues he gave as to why he is such as asshole.

He has many strengths. He is supportive of his friends' work, and can show delight in others' abilities. He has a great aptitude for what he does, and is willing to help others learn how to work as well as he does. He tries to have a "good time," and encourages others to do so. He tries to include others in his success, and encourages "sharing the spotlight."

However, many people feel that his personality is difficult to work with. He only speaks inappropriately, and at times seems to lose control of himself and has small fits of joy or anger. At times he can be incredibly focused and calm, seeming to "tunnel in" on a task at hand. He gets irritated easily, and oscillates between hypo-mania and eye-contact avoidant defensiveness. He speaks highly of himself, "bravado" is an understatement. Usually the more expressive declarations of bravado are followed by "acting-out." When he "acts-out," he will ask questions which he appears to believe will make others uncomfortable. He is unapologetic for his actions, however he does appear to have remorse, although he does not seem to have the skills required to express remorse to others. He is constantly deflecting: hiding himself behind context, and statements which he perceives will be shocking to others.

phew. I feel better now.